My Silent Musings

Some Random Thoughts And Ramblings


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The importance of being happy and contented

What is happiness or what exactly makes you happy in life? I know it’s a short question but has perhaps the longest answer that one can ever find. But is happiness based on your riches or materialistic achievements? Well, it’s neither of these, but the blessings that make you live the way you are, when many other who are more deserving than you cry their heart out and pray for being half as lucky as you are. Yet, we the humans, never say we are happy, but keep counting on what is missing from our lives, and blabber about the unfulfillment of a ton of selfish dreams. If I happen to count on mine, there would be endless broken dreams in my kitty; the much cherished ones that shattered away at various stages of my life. Yet I hardly count them and cry over spilled milk, instead try to live contented with what life has thrown at me. I am no exception to easily ditch and forget my broken dreams, but prefer to nurse my wounded soul with the balm of contentment from what I have in hand. Still, I sometimes falter and fall in to the ditch of distress, but soon rise ferociously from the ashes, as I know that I have to face the stumbling blocks all alone, walk or at times run my way to victory.

Whenever I see myself falling down to the ditch of sadness, I forcefully make myself count my blessings and make my mind believe that I am one of those lucky ones who shouldn’t lament but be joyous that I am truly blessed with countless things that are making my worth living. But as I said before, at times, the very human vulnerability to err make my mind shift to distress and worry on some of the problems that surround me. Yes, I sometimes cry my heart out for things that are beyond my control, but later get back to the road of hope, forcefully look at the better side of my life.

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This is the third month of another extended year, and I am stuck-up with a number of worries, right from the dawn of the year. As my ‘bread-n-butter’ are severed in a frustratingly delaying time-span, I literally struggle everyday, to live-on with the limited ‘portion’ that I have in hand, cutting on many things that I long for, so that I can live a content life and at the same time save for myself a sizable quantum for the coming days. Although I’ve always had the dream of climbing the professional ladder on a swift pace, to becoming a stellar professional, I stand way too low on the ladder now, even after being equipped with strong arsenals of skills and experience. Thus I have a not so appealing graph, the reason why doldrums and anger intermittently monopolize my senses and make me taste the salt of my tears.

On a personal front I do have my own share of joys and sorrows, but at the same time have a very long singlehood that always sends in terrifying tingles that force me see some of the scariest nightmares of being left alone in the world, ending up in one of the old age homes. As we have one in our hostel, I am used to seeing the unsaid and unheard sorrows of a lot of old women who’ve  been forced to live here, far away from their families. As I see them engrossed in their solitude, remembering the bygone days and shedding tears in silence, I cannot help but think about myself and the scare in my mind grows manifolds, overpowering all the delights that I should count on.

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But if you ask me whether I am happy, I will undoubtedly say that I am as I am a contented person by ‘default’. However, it’s also true that at times, I cannot help but get fueled by some of these harsh realities that make me distressed and insecure occasionally, until I force myself to count on the better things, and drag me out of the pain. Therefore, defining happiness, in my case, has more or less become a complexity with a range of entangling thoughts and reasons that keep shifting my mind constantly from one to another. But as I said before, the overall result is always a happy me, as I have two main reasons to think so – I am blessed in very many ways, and I have to be happy and positive to move on and scale greater heights in life.

So is that a forcefully created one? To an extent it is. Because, I cannot plunge in to my sorrows and lose myself in the darkness of anguish, but has to walk through sharp stones and piercing thorns that life keeps throwing at me. And what continues keep me moving in that tough journey of mine is nothing but the pillar of positive thoughts that can make me latch on to the very core truth that I am blessed in very many ways when compared to a million others around, and can definitely hope for a day when the distressing problems take leave, leaving me some happier outcomes. For that reason, I continue to say this – Yes, I Am Happy! Yes, My Life Is Beautiful, In Spite Of All The Short-Term & Long-Term Worries That I have!


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Random thoughts of a Vegetarian

Tantalizing foodstuffs always fascinate me with its attractiveness and aroma but has never induced a craving for meat, the reason why I continue to bump on to the very same questions that most of my friends have been having since the day they bumped on to me – Why am I a vegetarian, in spite of having easy access to a whole lot of varieties of eateries with endless range of meat dishes or gastronomic surprises which are supposedly very appetizing and palatable. To put it shortly, they are yet to find out the possible reason why I don’t get fascinated or rather enticed by the much talked about scrumptiousness of non-veg cuisines that I get to see.

A very genuine inquisitiveness, but I have nothing else to say other than my dislike for meat eating, which although is a bit health related. As this topic continues to take its inevitable place in most of our very usual and casual conversations, I’ve always tried to decipher how one can be enticed to savor something, just based on hearsays or looks. I have many of my friends who try to ‘allure’ me to have a bite of meat delicacies, by seating me by their side and showing the ‘attractively’ coloured and perfectly blended meat cuisines with classic seasonings that spread their aroma all over the place, inviting those around to relish the well spiced and well served dish, and polish the plates off quickly. Although they are mostly fresh flavoured and well-cooked to perfectness, I really don’t get drawn to them, just because they belong to the category of foodstuffs that I never wanted in life. No matter how well they are cooked, garnished and adorned, I can never be blindfolded about the fact that they have the meat of a once living being.

I never lecture any of my meat-eating friends about the endless advantages of vegetarianism, but meat eaters have always reminded me of the horrifying pictures of cannibals, werewolves, and vampires that have almost terrified me to death in my childhood days. As they continue to bite and tear off the meat slices from their plate, I look at them carefully and plunge myself in to the hallucination of seeing two large Dracularian canines growing down from both the sides of their jaws, with hot blood drenching down from each one of them. I know it’s just a childish illusion, but still find it hard to look at my friends while they happily relish meat delicacies, as I can’t stop myself from imagining those scary and vampirish canines on their faces.

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Although I am mostly shunned as an outcast for my vegetarianism, I care a damn about what others have to say about my eating habits. This in no way means that I try and make purposeful efforts to demonize the impacts of meat eating. Yet when I get to see people who follow both carnivore as well as omnivore diets, I cannot help but notice some very common behavioral patterns and visibly cantankerous reactions that are rare among vegans. So does that show a correlation between anger and meat eating?

As my friends continue to depict vegetarianism as a pitiable suffering, being a hard-core vegetarian, I can definitely say that I have an enviable eating regimen that’s far from pitiful. I am not delving in to the statistics of longevity or good health, but have always felt the visible reactions of a thankful stomach which is happy for not making it a sepulcher for animal meat in one form or the other. Though I hang out with friends occasionally and watch them savouring meat dishes with extreme delight, I don’t find them genuinely tempting and appetizing as their vegetarian counterparts, which are more inviting and flavorsome. But at the same time I can’t help but feel a vampirish panic when looking at my friends savouring bite sized meat pieces with immense joy. As they stare back at me in wonder and continue munching on the meat cuisines, I continue to gaze back at them with my curiosity, looking for the moment when I get to see those large canines growing down their jaws, with ever dripping blood.


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Talk what you know, not what you heard

Though commenting and criticizing about anything and everything under the sun has become ‘forgivably’ humane these days, let’s speak not of what we don’t know, because it’s absolutely foolish and vexatious to talk things that we don’t know anything about. Although I have this strong fear that my message may fall upon deaf years, I have had a very bad experience the other day, which forced me to share my thoughts on people who don’t even think twice to pour their ‘intelligently’ fashioned criticisms on those whom they don’t know or have never ever met at any point in their lives.

I was at home the other day with my parents, and planned to take a day off to visit an ashram close by. As the pressure-filled life is taking a toll on my mental and emotional well-being each day, leaving me tensed or anxious, I wanted to spend sometime away from the daily hassles and relax amid chanting of hymns, recital of vedas, bhajans, and hours of meditation practices. So I quickly grabbed my bags and hopped in to the car, looking forward to spending a day in the sane amid the sanctity of the ashram that has continued to teach the unfathomable power of love, prayers, and selfless service to humanity.

We spent more than three fourth of our day amid the sanctified ashram ambiance, and had many hours of reinvigorating and soul cleansing moments filled with prayers. After weeks of tiring and thankless works and stress filled lonesome days in my ‘big’ city, I couldn’t be more happier for being at a calm and inspirational place that soothed my senses and pumped in a huge amount of energy and enthusiasm for many more weeks of tiresome and fast-paced life where I have to deal with tons of emotionless and heartless souls and energy-draining works await me one after the other.

As I walked in to the office after my weekend, the guy sitting next to me, who has a very negatively microscopic view of looking at people and things around, along with an absolutely wrong way of deciphering what he gets to see, happened to see a set of rudraksh beads tied on to my right wrist, and wanted to know where I got them from. As I started telling him about the soothing weekend time, I expected him to be happier for me, given the fact that it has brought in very visible positive energy on my face. But, completely against my anticipation, his preconceived notions about the ashram came out evidently at the very next moment, when he started spurting his venomous comments so openly that I was taken aback for a moment, before sliding back to my senses. Intending to make it all the more mortifying, he went on spitting out his disgraceful, derogatory, and rather annoying remarks, drawing a stink-filled conclusion that a group of vixens and reynards live there, and indulge in sinful carnal pleasures, in the name of god and religion. . Although I was tempted reply in the very same tone, I walked away with dignified silence. I was in no mind to pour out words of wisdom and knowledge in to his rot filled mind as I knew that it would make no difference in his grime –filled way of thinking.

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Calling someone a femme fatale or a vixen without even meeting once or knowing what that person has been doing for the humanity is undoubtedly sinful and unquestionably contemptible, but yet, the world would never change, unless and until the foul-mouthing scandal mongerers get a taste of their own medicine. Who are we to judge someone we don’t know, or haven’t met even once? I had been to the ashram and have watched their selfless and unmatched services to people around, the reason why I find it hard to stand the outpour of unjustifiable allegations. Although I can cite several examples that prove the selflessness and generosity of the asharam inmates, here’s one that I couldn’t find anywhere else I’ve been so far. Everyone who visits the ashram gets stomach full of scrumptious food three times a day for free. Yes, you read it right! They feed endless number of people each day, without taking even a penny from any one of them. This is just a very minute part of their entire charitable services that have now become a role model to millions across the globe. Yet, people shamelessly draw their own prejudiced opinions about, just based on baseless hearsays.

I am not a worshipper of ‘human gods’ nor do I believe in the so called gurus who make vibhuti and gifts from air. I believe in the supreme power, but have immense respect for those help and feed the poor, sick, and the hungry, with no selfish intentions in mind. As I said before, I am not fascinated by the unexplainable illusions that make people trust self-confessed human gods, but believe that one gets elevated to the status of respectfulness only through selfless services that are intended to make others happy. The ashram or its inmates didn’t shower gifts on me or took me to fascination with endless gimmickries to blindfold my sense of rationalism and make me a blind believer. Yet, they gave a peaceful day and a much relaxing ambiance to invoke god and chant my prayers in absolute silence. They fed me and many other people, serving us smiling, gave us the tranquil and peaceful surroundings to relax and reinvigorate, talked to us for hours together, positively impacting our minds, making us look forward to the next day we can get to be back in the ashram and its divine ambiance.

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I don’t have any anger or hatred for people who speak ill about the ashram or the people there, but pity such people who hate to see what the reality is, and instead choose to see and believe things that are nothing but the fantasized stories of a group of people who have never seen or experienced the truth.


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As we celebrate yet another ‘commercialized’ Women’s Day

Another Woman’s Day went by, and thankfully with lesser number of flimflam and hullabaloos that I’ve been hearing for many years, ever since I got to know what this much talked about day is all about. Every year, our calendar overflows with umpteen occasions to celebrate; and while many of these special days are about eating, drinking, and making merry, it’s not the same with Women’s day, especially when we live in a society where women are compelled to feel that there’s nothing to be happy about being women who are forced to live amid men who are no less than hooligans, ready to pounce on any woman they get to see.

As the year continues to roll out, unfolding the never-ending cruelties against women and kids across the world, all that we do on Women’s Day is exchange useless text messages or sit around and futilely debate about attacks against women and children, only to forget them all by the end of the day, while at the same time as many as hundreds of gruesome rapes and other atrocities continue to happen at every part of our country, thus repeatedly resonating that no matter however we progress, women can never have a peaceful and happy life anywhere in this country.

All the verbal vomit and emotional hype that we manage to act out during every one of those much exaggerated Woman’s Day discussion become the part of yet another bygone day, as we continue to get back to our lives again, leaving away all those discussions and decisions to work for women’s freedom and safety. So why exactly do we have a Woman’s Day and what precisely is the purpose of this day? I believe it’s high time to wake up to reality and face the cold hard truth, which is the unchanged situation and the unprogressive mentalities of many people out there, who still pose serious threats that make women empowerment far from being possible. I was at home during this weekend, and happened to watch a few Women’s Day programs and discussions, not because I feel they are genuinely worth the time I spend, but for lack of any other options left. All that I could hear throughout was shit load of immature sounding and fame hungry talks of women who repeatedly added the words ‘women empowerment’ at every point of discussion, without even having an idea of what they mean to say. The discussions kept going-on and so did the reiteration of the words ‘women empowerment’, but no one could clearly put out their thoughts on what can be done to make the worsening situations better, and make our country a better and safer place for women, in all respects. As the discussions drew to a close, I couldn’t remember even one worth mentioning point from the entire meaningless verbal juggleries that happened throughout the entire one hour.

This is exactly what happens on every Women’s Day, and will continue to happen for endless number of years, as long as we don’t take pains to delve deeper in to the problems that women face in today’s society, and find long-term solutions to deal with them effectively. But sadly, nowadays, Women’s Day is just confined to the media discussions and exaggerated seminars that make a mockery of the whole concept. We do all the talking from dawn to dusk wait for the next year to next year to continue exhibiting our oratory skills on topics about women empowerment, catchy enough to amass a good number of audience from everywhere. Doing the whole lot of talking, and not taking even the smallest step to making them all happen is a sheer ridicule and insult to the cause for which we talk about. In the desperate to portray themselves as die-heart ‘feminists’, many of our self-confessed women activists do nothing but focus on self-marketing and money mining in the pretext of Women’s Day celebrations and seminars.

Women are not in need of a day to celebrate her, but need the strongest support to save her from being abused, humiliated, and attacked. What she needs is not the thunderous applaud of a group of hypocrites in a media discussion or a seminar, snootily sitting around a table, discussing things that they have no idea about. On the contrary, she needs honest efforts that can to help her live with self-respect, integrity and satisfaction. When safety from acid attacks and gang rapes are far from reality, why make a ridicule of womanhood with all the supercilious doings on every Women’s Day, only to wait for a couple of hours to savor the morning news of yet another gang rape at some part of the country, to inhumanely discuss on a prime time news about the possible ways the woman could have been sexually abused, or to have yet another usual gossip session with a neighbor about the how the parents of the girl ‘failed’ to save their child from being raped.

It’s high time we rise and address the reality, or else Women’s Day will soon become as redundant as the other namesake ‘days’ that we hardly bother to remember.


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When the means destroy the ends

A young college going girl, a bubbly teenager, enters the adult film industry, just because she is desperately in need of money to pay her tuition fees! If that sounds like the storyline of a movie, let me clarify, it’s not, on the contrary, the story was almost the headline of the every newspaper that I read the other day. Although I couldn’t decipher the news value of what was written, I must say that the entire news story was carefully jotted down with the intention to portray her as a ‘daring and determined’ woman who wants to scale greater heights in life, the reason why she ended up doing what others of her age would never ever have dreamt of even in their wildest dreams; thus expecting the reader to leave teary eyed. But I am sorry to say that I am not one of such emotionally weak person who would feel sorry for someone who has chosen an industry that can leave her on the marginalized space in the society from where she would have the faintest chance of building up a prospective career of her own, even after all the troubles that she’s taking to finish her education.

No matter how broaden our minds are, we’re yet to widen our thoughts about those who are part of the industry that most of us hate or hesitate to speak in public. Adult industry and adult movies are the hush-hush topics for most of us, and I am pretty sure that we would definitely think twice before sharing a space with an adult movie star, just because of the industry he/she comes from. With such scarily narrowed thoughts about adult film industry, I cannot help but wonder how the lady whom I am speaking about will manage to finish her education and get herself a good job, and climb up the ladder of career success. It’s hard! It’s really hard!

With that I said, I must state this very clearly that I have no hatred for adult movie stars, and think they are just one among us, and in fact the must-haves of a few people who feel the lack of having adequate options to take themselves to the paramount of ultimate physical satisfaction. Yes, it’s a booming business and many people voluntarily opt for it, looking out to make quick bucks, and at the same time enjoy their bit of sexual gratification every day. It’s their call and I am no one to judge them. But what I read now is a different story, where a college going girl voluntarily works for adult movies and make money for her tuition fees, without the knowledge of her parents. While she does it for a good cause, and want to build up a career for herself, her choice of part time job is what keeps me thinking, as I vehemently feel she has made a wrong choice for herself. Making a worse mishmash of the whole situation, she’s now come out to speak about it in public, which I think, would not bring her any gain other than adding more predicaments. As I said, I have no intention to judge her based on what she does to make a living, but, strongly feels it would fade her career prospects so badly, just because of the profession she has chosen.

What you choose to do will definitely influence how you’re looked upon by people, the general public as well as those close to you. This holds true in all that we do, and adult movie making is no different. In a society where abuses against women hit the headlines practically each day, we can presume how hard it would be for women like her to lead a normal life and dig her past way. At some point or the other, the lid of the can of worms that she may close as tightly as possible would open abruptly, leaving her to being ignored, teased, left out, and sometimes abused. Is this what she would be wanting for herself in the coming days? I don’t know! Even when I completely understand her need for getting the best education for herself, I strongly feel, she would have had a number of other options for herself, to get the money that she wanted. Scholarships and loans are not new to us, although time-consuming, and contains some strenuous documentations and works that may test your patience and hope at many situations. Even part time jobs are very common these days, and most of them are well paying ones, sufficient enough for a single woman to enroll herself in an average university. So, in spite of the splendid availability of several opportunities that could have helped her amass the money for her tuition fees, she chose to do this, breaking all the societal barriers. While accepting her courage to take such a bold step, I can’t help but think about all the possible outcomes of what she has chosen to do.

Let me conclude this post with an anecdote- As I was reading one of the well-known newspapers, I happened to read a news story in the entertainment section, which said a famous show host refused to invite an actress to his show, only because she was working with the adult industry before being a part of the main stream cinema. If this is how the an entertainment industry perceives about yet another one, what would happen if an ex-adult movie star applies for a job in an MNC? I leave it for you to think.

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