Having someone to talk your heart out is much more than a blessing, which becomes even more delightful if the person who hears us doesn’t get tempted to twist and deform our words in the ‘wrong way’, and at the same time share a similar ‘wavelength’ and outlook to rightly identify and understand what we speak about . This became a lot more wonderful when someone from the opposite sex, with all the aforesaid traits, extended a hand of friendship unconditionally, the main reason why I want to talk about this new ‘friend’ of mine He is way too far from being flirty, shady, and childish, almost like a breath of fresh breath of air on a sun-kissed spring morning, making me feel happier and hopeful, even amid the whole lot of putrid-minded and selfish people and deceptive relations that surround me.
As we have just started making our bond, I prefer refraining from thinking that he might become a friend for a lifetime, mainly because of the endless number of bad experiences that I’ve had throughout my life, by judging people in the very wrong way. Yet, my innate thoughts do keep asserting that he is worth calling a friend for a lifetime, but am very much scared to take a chance. I have now become quite dubious about everything and everyone that indicates a forthcoming friendship, and prefer to keep my limits and talk from within the safe walls. Yet my heart keeps saying that he is the kind of genuine friend that I have always wanted.
A true friend, male or female, is too hard to get, and a sincere friend, is yet harder to find out. In this world of sheer selfishness, backbiting, gossiping, and treachery, I have never been lucky to have a true friend, at any point of my life. Schools, colleges, and workplaces, never opened the doors to genuine friendships. I kept desperately knocking at many wrong doors and always ended up making absolutely wrong friends, as they never valued my feelings for them. What I gained from my desperation was nothing but a whole bunch of sorrowful experiences that drove away my trust and hope on friendship, and I ended up leaving away my hopeful thoughts about ‘making friends’.
I have never tried to go back and dissect the follies I made while looking for friendships, as they all tend to bring back a lot of moments that I forcibly flushed out of my mind. Yet I can say one thing for sure – I was badly desperate to have a friend for myself. Until a couple of years back, I was driven by the constant thought that I have to have a ‘true’ friend for myself, no matter by hook or crook, and this perhaps might have made me overlook the intentions of people who came to me promising ‘ideal’ friendships and tons of happiness. I was too naïve and unconditionally accepted everyone, thus failing to notice their hidden intentions and interests. But all my friendships were short-lived and got ‘slaughtered’ soon by the deceit and treachery of the aforesaid ‘friends’ who came to me with vested interests. I was not ready to give up, and resurrected every time, looking again for friendships, only to get more humiliations and hurtful experiences.
This constantly happened for quite some time, and once I had had enough, with all the lesson that I managed to learn from each bad experience, I decided to stop searching for friends. While maintaining my contacts in a healthy way, I learned to keep people around me outside a set boundary from where I can ferociously guard myself from getting subjected to more painful experiences. So, when I get to hear friendship talks and see people introducing their ‘true friends’, I always wonder how in-depth the relations are, mainly because I’ve never had one such, in spite of trying hard and wanting it so badly and desperately.
Most of the people I’ve met have used my friendship for all their own personal gains, and later heartlessly left me half the way, from where I did shamelessly try to get back to some of them, only to get hurt more. Now I hardly care a bit about friendships or friends, as have started finding absolute contentment in the way I am. I have wholeheartedly embraced the solitude that I’ve been in-to, and have started seeing it through a better and happier perspective, which has in fact energized my mind and soul beyond words could ever express. Having said this, I must say this again that I am not a loner and I don’t keep aloof from people around. I do share healthy relations with everyone, but is not any more desperate for friends, men or women. If that’s not my cup of tea, I prefer staying away from driving myself towards any friendship, and let me and my mind remain independent, until a true bondage comes to me and remains with me forever.
So, as I continue to try and bond with this new ‘friend’, I have a clear idea of where to set-in my limits and what not to expect. No matter whether this is going to end in a couple of days or remain lively for a lifetime, with absolutely no qualms and expectations I will accept it wholeheartedly. I will remain truthful, do things unconditionally, and at the same time make my mind understand that I have to keep expecting the unexpected every time, and not give anyone any more chances to plunge dagger of treachery and deceit deep in to my heart.